stanley now has a serial number

cow aortic valve
A picture of Stanley’s cow valve, though this is an older model

Stanley received a letter today containing the model number and serial number for his PERIMOUNT Magna Pericardial Bioprosthesis (Model 3000). Comes complete with a user manual, serial number, and everything. The One- Hundred- Fifty- Thousand- Dollar Man. S, ever Mr. Half Empty, says there will probably be a recall. Wonder if the Lemon Law applies to heart valves? Yesterday his carotid arteries were ultrasounded and today his heart was echocardiagrammed. Sooner or later, we’ll find out the results. I hope we don’t hear the most dreaded words from a doctor’s staff: “Would you please come in and see the doctor today?” We’ll find out tomorrow morning when we see Dr. Robinson again (it was supposed to be some time this week, but he’s been doing a lot of emergency ticker work lately.) S is hoping to get off the rat poison any day now. His blood pressure is too low, so the nurse said he needs to drink a LOT more liquids than he has been. I don’t think it counts, but it gives S a good excuse to drink more of the Wicked Hot Chocolate I got for him. I don’t think it counts because it probably has so much caffeine it acts as more of a diuretic than it should. But it’s damned good stuff, and dark chocolate is supposed to be very good for the heart, right? Wicked contains: allspice, cinnamon, ground sweet ancho chili peppers, and smoked ground chipolt chili peppers. Oh, and real chocolate—not cocoa powder. I also got some actual bars of Jacques Torres dark chocolate, and ohmygod is it good. I read about his stuff in the New York Times in December, and FINALLY got around to trying it out. (I’d link to the article, but it’s already in the for-pay archives.) Ok, ‘nuff procrastination, back to work. (We’re getting there—almost caught up, only about three weeks behind now.)

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