Garishity. I think this is a good word. I made it up—I can’t find it on Google, so it must an original. You read it here first.

It means a gaudy quality, the transformation of one’s front yard into an unavoidable, obnoxious, and often energy-wasting tribute to a holiday. As in all the crap plastic monstrosities people put on their lawns and roofs in a lame attempt to celebrate seasonal conspicuous consumption. It means garishly shitty hence garishity. It also applies to the overuse of bling or bad eye shadow applications.

I think if people are going to decorate for xmas, they should go all out and put so many lights and other decorations up that the yard is visible from the moon OR decorate it all then take away 90%.

The really offensive crapolas are those huge snowmen or other figures and those big plastic fake snowballs with the fake blowing snow. You know, the crap that is at least eight feet tall. Would love to use a bb gun on all of them, but I don’t own one. Drive by deflatings. Not that I ever would—it’s a fantasy.

I do like lights. Lights are all you need, a pretty string or two in a tree or around the door. That’s nice. A ten foot sled on a roof complete with Rudolf with a blinking red nose and a giant santa waving is pushing it way too far.

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